Smart Living 6 Surprising Ways To Complain Better—And Ultimately, Less

21:05  23 january  2018
21:05  23 january  2018 Source:   rodalesorganiclife.com

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Meditating and focusing on your breath is a time-honored way to gain access to peace, tranquility and stillness. It is best to set aside time each day to meditate and rebalance to allow for spiritual, mental and physical health. 6 Surprising Ways To Complain Better — And Ultimately , Less .

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We’ve all been there: finding ourselves complaining endlessly about something pointless, insignificant, or just plain out-of-our-control.

Complaining about the little things is almost second nature to many of us. In fact, we may complain so much, and about so many inconsequential things, that we don’t even realize that we're doing it. I was doing this myself: I would complain about the weather, my job, the airplane lines when I was taking a trip, the lack of parking spots near a restaurant I wanted to go to. One day I realized just how much time and energy I spent complaining about silly things, and I decided to take some serious steps to stop what had become a knee-jerk habit.

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4. Train yourself to be less judgmental. We often complain about others because we think they are not up to our standards. It is your choice and no one else’s. What is your foolproof way to stop complaining ? Photo by mrsraggle.

I talked with Christopher Struble MD, chief psychiatrist and president of Renew TeleHealth, for some insights about why we complain so readily, and how to stop it—or at least make it more productive. Check out the six steps below that will help you vastly improve the way you complain, and ultimately, do it less.

Realize how often you're complaining

A complaint is basically just focusing your time and energy on something negative. This negative focus isn’t good for you and can cause stress, anxiety, and anger, among other less than desirable feelings. You also don’t want to be known as that person who complains all the time and thus, brings bad vibes. Start trying to recognize how often you are complaining. Take some time to think about how you feel after a complaint, and how it affects your mood.

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If you eat when you're either not hungry or only slightly hungry, you'll eat less and you'll eat more slowly. And the easiest way to do this is to keep a healthy snack near the front door so you can grab it on you way out!

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" src="/upload/images/real/2018/01/23/the-way-you-roll-toilet-paper-p-the-debate-about-the-right-way-to-hang-your-tp-has-raged-nearly-sinc_483843_.img?content=1" /> 12 Small Habits That Actually Reveal a Lot About Your Personality

Understand that griping about issues usually doesn't help your relationship

It's extremely common that we use griping to "shape" people into what we want of them, explains Christopher Struble. For example, if your significant other is interested in a niche hobby that just doesn’t interest you, you may participate in the activity but do so with a frown on your face and an all-around unhappy attitude. You may not be complaining, per say, but your body language and attitude is. This is bad for the relationship because your partner may stop inviting you to do the activity or even stop doing it themselves. Instead of complaining, try communicating and compromising with one another.

Strubles reminds us that relationships are give and take. He says, "people tend not to change markedly in their interests and part of loving someone is doing our best to have a good time when it's 'their turn' to choose what the two of you are doing.” However, you don’t want to always be stuck doing something you’re simply not interested in. Struble suggests finding a balance, saying, “We need to assert ourselves when it's important and do our own thing sometimes, but we have to be gracious in choosing the way we communicate that we don't like doing certain things and can't abide doing them anymore.”

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On the roller coaster of starting and running a company, it is really the only way to survive and thrive. He says that “afterwards you feel better , but people around you feel sick.” Ultimately , complaining is counterproductive and hurts your company.

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Allow yourself specific time to vent

A complaint may be based on a serious or uncontrollable issue; perhaps a family matter or a problem at work. You may genuinely feel upset or angry about something that is bothering you and you can’t control. this type of complaining and feeling upset is different than complaints about small things. Realize that what you are feeling is valid and should be felt and dealt with to the best of our abilities. Allow yourself time to vent and understand your emotions. After this period, make a conscious decision to move forward as best as possible, and stop solely complaining about this topic, realizing that typically, complaining won’t help with acceptance or finding solutions, and is energy wasted.

Practice not complaining for one full day

A Buddhist practice is to not say anything positive or negative for 24 hours. Just simply observe what is around you, take note of it and let it pass, move on to the next thing. Taking a page out of Buddhist practice, actively try not complaining for 24 hours. If you feel a complaint or negative thought arise, simply notice it, think about it for a moment, then let it go.

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Do something about your complaint

A lot of my small complaints start with ‘I’m hungry’ or ‘I’m tired’; instead of just wallowing in your sorrow, turn those complaints into action. If you’re hungry, go make a healthy snack. If you’re tired, make a cup of a tea (or even better, take a nap, if your situation allows). Struble says “If we notice that deep down we're complaining about things that truly are not that big of a deal in hindsight, this may reflect that we need to make some difficult changes in the path of our lives.”

Turn your complaint into gratitude

At the same time, we may gripe because by doing so we're being reinforced in getting what we want (like not doing a boring activity with your spouse). Struble gives the example of the kid at a grocery store who wants a candy bar. He complains and he complains some more until the parent finally gives in and gives him the bar, just to stop the complaining. The kid is ultimately getting an award for their complaining and this makes them more likely to do it in the future. This situation arises in adults too, it's just less obvious. If this is occurring either within yourself or someone else, it’s important to recognize the behavior and stop it as soon as possible.

Gratitude is the most necessary quality to focus on while trying to complain less. If you stop to make a list of the things you're grateful for, then it's harder for you to end up in a downward spiral of damaging thoughts. Keep in mind, though, that this is a difficult task. Some days will be great, others you might be complaining about every last thing. Give yourself time to adjust to a new mindset of not complaining about the little things. Focus on the goal of being more gracious and more positive, and suddenly, you'll realize you're complaining less and less.

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The study found that participants who wrote about traumatic, stressful or emotional events were significantly less likely to get sick, and were ultimately In this way , writing removes mental blocks and allows us to use more of our brainpower to better understand ourselves and the world around us."

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